Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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