the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
