i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
