Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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