Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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