remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
