it wasn't lemon gatorade
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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