so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
