I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
