Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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