Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
