I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
