Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
