Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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