Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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