It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
