he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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