I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize