they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
