he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
