Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize