just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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