Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
