I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize