Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
