Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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