JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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