Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
