we're blogging at a bar
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
