'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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