i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
