1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
