So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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