you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
