So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize