she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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