Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
