I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
