I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
im six kinds of drunk right now
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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