Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
