I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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