Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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