If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
