What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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