I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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