I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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