I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
where are my eyebrows?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
