I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize