She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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