The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
third nipple confirmed
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
