How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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