I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
well you can't waste a boner
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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