I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
