I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
