help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You smell like stripper and shame
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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