my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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