Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
