When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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