My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
