He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
