I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
