I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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