I got chris browned last night
You smell like stripper and shame
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
