it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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