i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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