What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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