She's JV to your varsity
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
