I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she smelled like a LAN party
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
