Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
