When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
