I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
