Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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