Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
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